Elephant In The Family Room – Part 1: What Elephant?

Elephant In The Family Room – Part 1: What Elephant?

What Elephant?
Elephant In The Family Room – Part 1
November 9-10, 2019
Dr. Jeffrey Allen Love 

“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.” Matthew 5:9 (p.736)

Peacemaker not Peacekeeper 

  • Peacekeepers often avoid conflict (Elephants in the room) to keep the peace.


  • Peacemakers embrace conflict (Elephants in the room) to make peace. 

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone…Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” Romans 12:17-18, 21 (p.866)

What Do Peacemakers Do?

1. Be Willing to talk about It.

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ…Ephesians 4:15 (p.897)

2. Reach out for help from others.

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (p.894)

3. Commit to walk life out together.

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 (p.904) 

Next Step: I will do what peacemakers do to become a stronger peacemaker in my family.

Life Groups Study Questions
Taking the Talk to Another Level
From the Weekend Talk of November 9-10, 2019
Elephant in the Family Room, Week 1: What Elephant?

Life Groups use these questions to dig deeper into what we talked about this weekend. Dig into them so you will be ready for the discussion at your Life Group. Find out more about Life Groups at the Info Center in the lobby or go to alivechurch.com/groups.

Car Questions/Conversation Starters

  • What does “the elephant in the room” mean to you on a personal or generic level?
  • Have you ever been around people who seem to thrive on conflict, but it makes almost everyone else in the room uncomfortable?
  • Why do you think so many families accept conflict as just a normal part of life?

Quick Review

  • Looking back at your Talk Notes, was there anything you heard in the service that stood out or maybe even confused you?

Discussion Starters from the Weekend Talk

Refer to the Talk Notes and related Bible verses from this Weekend’s Talk.

  • Pastor Jeff highlighted One Thing to remember from this week’s Talk: “Peacemakers embrace conflict (Elephants in the room) to make peace.”
  • Are you more of a peacekeeper or a peacemaker?
  • What does it mean to embrace conflict? Does it give you license to confront no matter what? (Remember the last phrase, “to make peace.”)
  • Jeff spoke of three things peacemakers do. They…
    • Are willing to talk about it. (Ephesians 4:15 (p.897*))
    • Reach out for help from others. (Galatians 6:2 (p.894*))
    • Commit to walk life out together. (Colossians 3:13 (p.904*))
  • What keeps you from addressing your “elephants?”
  • When is it OK to NOT address them? Some considerations: Is it the right timing? Is it the right circumstance? Is it the right place?
    • Perhaps it means discerning your role in the situation. It also means understanding if it is a situation over which you have… NO control? SOME control? MUCH control? How would each “control level” affect your ability to be the peacemaker?
    • How can you know what your role might be?
  • What things most often cause conflict in your family and how well do you handle them (if at all)?
  • What steps might you take to become a better peacemaker?
  • What “elephants” have you had to deal with in your family? What did you do? How did it go?

Digging Deeper

Read 2 Corinthians 1:23 – 2:4 (p.882*)

The Apostle Paul was no stranger to conflict and peacemaking. In his first letter to the church at Corinth he speaks of a conflict with which he had dealt before but is now choosing to handle in a different way. He is addressing the “elephant in the room,” but not in a way that brings more conflict. Instead he seeks to encourage an attitude of peace, love and forgiveness.

  • What can you learn from Paul’s approach?
  • What does this say about his discernment of the situation and his desire to be a peacemaker?
  • Is he overlooking the offense(s)?
  • How would receiving a letter like this make you feel?


Taking It Home: Next Step

  • My Next Step This Week: “I will do what peacemakers do to become a stronger peacemaker in my family.”


  • Pray now for one another, the Church, and Alive Church.
  • (Note: Have you walked the new Prayer Path at the church? Check it out!)

This Weekend:

We continue our Series, “The Elephant in the Family Room.” In this series we’ll help you address the mess that builds up by neglecting those pesky things in our lives and families that we often fail to talk about.

All of these notes are also in our App. To get our FREE App just text “ALIVEAZ APP” to this number: 77977 and follow the instructions. If you need help, we’ll help you!


* The Life Transformation Bible is the New Living Translation of the Bible, including many useful tools to help you better understand God’s Word, including our own Alive Church Life Transformation Discipleship Plan. They are available FREE in the church lobby.

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